The Hockey Parent’s Game Face: Managing Emotions in the Stands

Hello Hockey Parents,

A loud buzzer, a flurry of flying pucks, cheers, and jeers…the atmosphere at a hockey game can often be tense. While our youngsters battle it out on the ice, it's equally vital for us, the parents, to maintain our composure, in victory and defeat. After all, the stands are also a stage where sportsmanship is on display.

Here are few strategies for calm assurance, maintaining peace, and being a positive role model during heated moments.

1. Practice Mindfulness:

Reflect on the approach of mindfulness. This involves being truly in the present moment - taking in the sights of the bright rink, the sounds of skates scraping against the ice, and the collective energy of the crowd. When you're fully immersed in the game’s spirit and joy, you're less likely to get swept up in the emotional highs and lows of competitive sport.

Feelings of tension may still arise. This is perfectly normal. However, mindfulness teaches us to recognize these feelings without judgment or reaction. If anxiety crops up after a dodgy referee call or a missed goal opportunity, take a pause. Focus on your breath - a few deep inhales and exhales can help to calm the mind and body. Recognize your feelings of tension, and then let them go. This might be easier said than done initially, but with practice, it becomes second nature.

Remember, mindfulness is not about clearing your mind, but rather about controlling its focus. So, draw your concentration back to the game and the camaraderie it brings. Enjoy the laughter, cheer on the good play, and take part in the exuberant chatter around - the quintessence of youth sport. This refocus can provide a fantastic sense of relief and perspective, restoring your calm and allowing you to enjoy the hockey game for what it really is - an opportunity for fun, growth, and community spirit.

2. Emphasize Fun and Learning:

While it's easy to get caught up in the competition, remind yourself of the fundamental reason why children play sports - to enjoy themselves, develop skills, and build character. This shifts your focus from purely performance-related outcomes to a broader perspective of your child's involvement in sports.

Instead of overly worrying about scores, wins and losses, concentrate on whether your child is enjoying the game and learning from the experience. Are they improving their puck-handling skills, showing teamwork, or handling the pressure better than the last game? These are the real victories, the building blocks that help your child grow - not only as a player but also as an individual.

When parents keep this athletic purpose at the forefront, it radiates positivity. It fosters an environment where children can experiment, make mistakes, and learn without the looming worry of disappointing their most devoted fans. It also alleviates the pressure parents may feel to 'coach' from the stands, a situation that often escalates emotions.

By prioritizing fun and development, your child’s love for hockey and sports, in general, will grow, ensuring they remain active and engaged. Your cheers and efforts then become a positive reinforcement of their growth and enjoyment, giving your child the best hockey experience.

3. Control What You Can:

It's essential to distinguish between elements you can control and those you can't during a hockey game. For example, you can't control the referee's calls, your child's ice time, the behaviors of other parents, or the game's final score. Attempting to control these outcomes will only fuel anxiety and a sense of helplessness, leading to heightened emotions.

Instead, shift your focus onto aspects you can control, such as your reactions and behavior. You can choose to accept a referee's call, even if you disagree. You can choose to remain positive when your child’s team is a few points down. You can choose not to react to a provocative comment from another parent. Recognizing that your power lies in your response can actually make you feel more in control. It's empowering and instantly calms the mind.

Help your child understand this principle too. Teach them to focus on their effort, attitude, and how they react to mistakes or losses. Instilling this in them will not only help curb their frustration but will also equip them with a life skill that extends well beyond the rink.

4. Be a 'Role-model' Parent:

Remember, as a parent, you are your child's first and most important role model. Your reactions in the stands (both verbal and non-verbal), your interaction with coaches, other parents, officials, and even the opposite team significantly influence your child's perspective on fair play and sportsmanship.

Staying calm during heated game moments helps demonstrate to your child that it's just a game - sometimes going in our favor, sometimes not. It reassures them that it is okay to lose, it's okay if every shot doesn't turn into a goal, and it certainly is okay to keep enjoying the game regardless.

Positive engagement with other parents, a respectful attitude toward coaches and officials, and cordial sportsmanship towards the opposite team set a strong behavioral standard for your child, showing them the correct way to treat and interact with everyone involved in the sport.

Moreover, compliment good plays made by both teams. Applaud sportsmanship where you see it, talk about the importance of teamwork, and help emphasize the values you'd like to see in your budding athlete.

The key to this is consistency. Remember, children are more likely to do as you do, not as you say. So, be conscientious of your behavior in the stands and consciously demonstrate the kind of sportsmanship you'd want them to display on the ice. After all, showing them the right way to behave is often more impactful when it's through actions, not just words.

5. Encourage Good Sportsmanship:

Promoting good sportsmanship goes a long way in nurturing a healthy mindset in children. It's an integral part of their personal and athletic development, and your role as a parent is pivotal in fostering this.

Good sportsmanship extends beyond your young player; it’s also about how you, as a parent spectator, respond to the game’s proceedings. Congratulate other parents when their child plays well. Applaud both teams for their hard work and good plays. This not only creates a friendly, supportive environment in the stands but also reflects the true spirit of the sport.

Steer clear of berating referees, coaches, your child, or other players. The loud, negative spectator not only creates unnecessary tension but also sends an inappropriate message to the young players. Instead, aim to be the positive, encouraging voice that all children need to hear.

Discuss the importance of respecting all players, irrespective of their team, with your child. This includes both the act of playing fair on the ice and showing respect and kindness off the ice.

Another key aspect of sportsmanship is the grace in defeat. Teach your child that losing is not the end of the world, nor a diminishing of their worth or abilities. Rather, it's an opportunity to grow as a player and individual. It’s about dusting off the snow, getting back on the skates, and giving it another go.

Remember, good sportsmanship helps young athletes develop into well-rounded individuals and learn life lessons of respect, empathy, and resilience. Let's ensure that the thing kids love- playing hockey- remains a positive, character-building experience.

6. Calm Discussions:

When tensions run high in the spectator stands, it often takes one responsible adult to defuse the situation. If you see a fellow parent becoming overly heated, approach them calmly. Start a light-hearted conversation that reminds them of the game's more enjoyable aspects. Perhaps compliment a good play, or share an observation about how much the kids seem to enjoy the sport.

Directly addressing their agitation might put them on the defensive. Instead, indirectly shifting their focus to the game's positive aspects can help them cool down and regain perspective.

If you feel comfortable, you can also lightly acknowledge their feelings, maybe with a statement like, "These games can indeed get intense, can't they?" This recognition of their emotion coupled with your calm demeanor can help emphasize the game's friendly spirit, subtly encouraging them to respond in a similar manner.

Remember, it's not about confronting aggression with aggression but promoting a sense of camaraderie and shared experience that can neutralize tension.

Further, bonding with fellow parents – be it over shared responsibilities like carpooling or team meals, or shared experiences like the wins and losses – can also foster a friendly atmosphere in the stands. Having spent sociable moments with them, parents are less likely to engage in conflicts or heated arguments.

The key lies in being the change you want to see, to divert tension, foster calmness, and maintain peace while watching our young champions play. This will greatly improve everyone's experience – the players, the coaches, and the spectators.

 

Remember, maintaining emotional balance at games is crucial. Remember: Pause, breathe, react - Your response is your power. A calm, positive crowd is more enjoyable for everyone and sets the right example for our young players. We're all here because of our shared love for hockey - let's express it in ways that uplift each other and the sport!

Erin @ My Hockey Store.